Even Autism has Winning Odds

It's like the lottery. Will you defy the odds or will it just be another day of numbers on a line that make no sense but on the flip side comes with a huge reward if you're lucky enough to guess right. Never knowing what tomorrow will bring with autism (or Jackson, ha) it's like a daily lottery in our house. Some days make no sense, some days you get a few things right and some days you hit the jackpot (or at least in my mind we do). 

Coming off a weekend that didn't go so hot, I was worn out. Not to mention, this week is Jackson's spring break. He was originally registered for a camp where his surroundings would be familiar, the people were mostly the same and he was comfortable. Then it came. Camp cancelled. Dun Dun Dun!! CRAP! Well, now what? After hitting a few walls searching for a different solution, we decided to gamble just a bit and register for a camp at the YMCA. Jackson has never been there before. New places, faces and strange routines don't go in the same sentence as autism. So Monday rolled around and we loaded up to go. I spoke to the camp director who assured me they would take good care of him and that he would call me in case of a crisis or outburst. Needless to say I was just waiting on the phone to ring all day. 

Ye of little faith I am! Jackson always amazes me and for whatever reason he is having a great week with no set schedule, all new people and no sense of normalcy. Excuse me what?!? Where is my child??? That is not the Jackson I know but man what a relief! Isn't funny how we as parents put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to our children. Just when you think things will go the worst way possible, they do great. Maybe I should give him more credit?? I know he is stronger than I could ever imagine. I just never would have guessed he would be this happy about something off his normal, tired and definitely beaten path. Maybe I should give myself a little more credit?? Maybe we are getting better at preparing for everyday change?? Who knows! 

Although I am not sure we are ready to test this uhhh few successful days as being ready to take on the world, we'll take small bites and victories when we can get them! It just seems as though this week Jackson has beat the odds of one challenge autism presents him with. Don't worry, our quirks, obsessions, and redundant eating habits at home are all still very apparent, but maybe this week is exactly what he needed. A little change of pace from the everyday "norm" never hurt anyone right? 

I say this today and tomorrow will be a disaster (LOL) but as always around our house... one day at a time. I'm just so thankful and proud that he made it this far since the last "camp" he attended outside his comfort zone, he was kicked out of before Wednesday was finished for behavioral problems. That was a tough week and a tough pill to swallow (mainly for me) because you only want your kids to do well and be happy. He was neither at the camp we got the boot from which broke my heart for him and I also felt (at the time) like I had failed him. (this was also pre-diagnosis) I guess we have come quite a long way since then. To all you other parents out there that have kids with autism I encourage you to keep going, don't be scared to try new things. Some will work and some won't and that's ok. Just don't lose faith in your little one because just when you least expect it is when they will surprise you the most!

And so far I'll take this week as a lotto jackpot of epic proportions! 

~EM

Sad day...Count Your Blessings

So many times in our lives, we focus on everything we want/don't have/wish we had that we forget to be thankful for what's right in front of us.  A roof over our heads, a family that loves us and people that support you through the good and the bad. Yesterday  neighbor of ours lost their house in a fire. Total devastation. I cannot even imagine the sorrow and struggle for that family today. You know they have to question everything. Memories lost to a flame and belongings that are now just ashes. 

It makes you question why things like this happen. Why them? Why anyone? Why does God let things like this happen to good people? The good news is this isn't philosophy 101 or we would be here a while and we'd all be asleep before the end of this post, or angry from all the questions we have, lol. And while I'm not one to talk, I've had my share of asking the same questions about my life and knowing that God doesn't give you more than you can handle it sure doesn't make things any easier.

Last night after the circus parade of people driving by, walking by and going over to see the house, I found myself unplugging everything in the house. Things like this make us worry. They make you uneasy. They make you fear the worst. But they also make you thankful. It's a big slice of humble pie and a reminder that you should always be thankful for what you have. 

The good news is that they all made it out. They are all alive. They may have lost material things but they still have each other. Things could have gone very different for that family yesterday. Just last weekend they were celebrating a birthday for their little boy and today there is no celebration. 

What a true testament to remember that God protects you when you really need it. That even though a tragic event has happened, you still have the most important thing. It makes me so thankful for what I do have and for my family. It makes me count our blessings and be grateful that even though I wish my closet was bigger and that I wish this or that for my family, at least we have each other. 

This weekend I'm going to squeeze my kids and kiss them more times than they can count and remember and that each day is a gift from God. Our lives happens so fast sometimes and it only takes one small thing to change it all. 

My prayers go out to that sweet family. May God be with you and help you through this tough time. 

~EM

Add this to the Autism list

Ok, so Jackson has his quirks, his tremors, his own unique and sometimes strange ideas about whatever the subject may be at the moment. I get it. Sorta. But none the less I still get it. I am patient (mostly), I am kind, I try to be loving and understanding, but there is one thing that I CANNOT stand!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ON EARTH DOES MY CHILD LIKE TO LICK FEET?????

For the life of me I do not and cannot nor will I ever understand what is entertaining funny or appealing about licking someone's feet. I mean what! I just don't get it. It's gross, it's disgusting and yet he finds it hilarious. Why on earth anyone would want to lick, touch and really even look and study feet?

I guess it's just another mystery of what's really going through his mind. Having a child who is autistic is like the eighth wonder of the world. You don't know how it happens. It's just this mysterious thing that is just out in the open but no one can seem to give any one real explanation, only ideas and "medical" reasonings. You don't always understand why things are the way they are and I really don't understand his thought processing when it comes to all things autism. 

The whole foot licking thing is just another one of those things I'm not sure I'll ever understand but I guess it's just another small thing in a big picture. I only wish I knew how he can be so focused and obsessive on some things (feet) and then other things I want him to be able to focus on-likes school work, he can't. Getting back on my trail of searching for tools, resources and help groups I'm full steam ahead again no matter how hard it is. On top of ADHD and focusing side of things, we're starting to talk school plans for next year, new therapies and more evaluations to include a neuro-psychological eval and behavioral therapy suggestions. The behavioral part comes in because as sweet and kind as my sweet little hugger is, he can also have a polar opposite side and when that rears its ugly head, Jackson can become quite aggressive sometimes. 

In an effort to protect him, our family and anyone he interacts with I feel like the behavior therapy is the next big thing on our list to get started. By no means do I think he really wants to hurt anyone intentionally, I just don't think he always fully understands there is a line you can't cross. He doesn't understand that just because someone calls you a name it's not a personal attack. It's just that the kid calling you a name is just that... a kid. Just a silly kid doing silly kid things. They don't really mean any harm of course, but Jackson's perception is that he is being attacked and so good or bad, he reacts. Try explaining that one or being in a public situation where people have no idea who Jackson or anything about him. Yet they judge and stare because of his actions. Sometimes, well a lot of times that is a hard thing to deal with friends. It's uncomfortable and it's hard to know if the choice you make in that moment was the right one or the wrong one. Not that I care what anyone thinks, because I don't. My concern is am I making the right decision for Jackson at that moment. Anyone have the answer to that million dollar question? 

Taking one things about an hour at a time, I'm continuing on and putting one foot in front of the other.

But for real if he licks my feet one more time.... 

~EM