Filling in "THE" Blank

What's that expression? Close, but no cigar. Yep.... that's about all I got at the moment. (excuse the poor but deliberate English there) Call it what you want, I call it CRAP. Serious CRAP. Sooooo...... of course after I posted my frustrations about this whole "blank" that was left blank, I finally got someone to answer my call later that same day. Go figure. (more on the "blank" here)

I guess it should come as no surprise that every time I take two steps forward, consequently I take two steps back. Or at least it feels that way. Just as I think we are making "progress" with all of Jackson's testing, my phone call for answers didn't quite fill in the "blank" like I thought it would. 

Let's set the scene...me on my cell phone, pen and paper in hand ready to vigorously write every word of the conversation (you should see my shorthand from these medical calls, the dog could write neater LOL)  and then we have the nice lady on the other end of the line at the therapy office. Pretty simple, right? I begin to ask her about the ever so dark blank line from our OT evaluation and why there was no medical diagnosis on the line and her response to me was, "Oh, a doctor has to do the official diagnosis, so our screening for his occupational therapy is limited without a medical diagnosis" (Cue my interior monologue: "Excuse me what!?! I thought that's what you all were doing? She can't be serious? Is this for real?") My real response came out as "That's what I thought you all were doing?" She then went on to tell me that they cannot medically diagnose for Sensory Processing Disorder or anything else OT related, they can only do an evaluation at their office. (Ummmm, NOW'S a FINE TIME TO TELL ME THAT!) So I calmly (yes calmly) asked her what I needed to do about getting to a doctor that can give me those results so we can continue on the path of getting Jackson the testing and things he needs to succeed. We went back and forth for almost 30 minutes and to make a long story short, I needed another referral from our pediatrician for psychology testing and he needs to see a neurologist for the sensory testing. We are also planning to meet with the school about Jackson going into first grade next year, etc. which I explained to her as well. We were coming to the end of our conversation and her advice to me what that I just needed to be calm about everything but that she also maybe should have pushed a little harder for the other testing things for Jackson and that she wanted me to just enjoy my Christmas with my son blah blah blah (yep I was tuning her out by then) Hmmmm, okayyyy. And I'm suppose to still be calm? I could feel the steam starting to come out of my ears at that point. 

I sat there in silence for a minute. How would you respond if someone said "I should have pushed harder for your child"? I simply said I would be in touch with our pediatrician for the other referral and we hung up, although I was ready to BLOW up! For a minute, ok maybe a few hours, I felt like I was failing at all of this for my sweet Jackson. In my mind I was falling just short of success and getting nothing for my efforts. How could I have missed these important things. Why didn't anyone tell me we needed additional doctors and referrals? I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised. Things could only go "according to plan" for so long on this long journey. So, I called my Mom, threw myself a short pity party and put the whole conversation to rest. I just couldn't think about it anymore. Talk about having the scrooge mentality, phew. 

Fast forward, I called our pediatrician's office to send my "cry" for help because I wasn't sure what else to do. Lisa at the office, (an angel in my book) listened to every word of whining and complaining about my phone call. She told me not to worry and that she would call the doctor that we needed to see and demand that we get some answers so we can get back on track.  Keep in mind I have been trying to get in touch with this neurology clinic for a while to see a great psychologist, or so I have been told that he is. Within about three hours she called me back. Whoo! 

Now to fill in that blank. Lisa said, "You're in." THAT was the answer that was missing from the blank. We are in. Finally, we are in. HOLY...... And we are in with a good one, maybe the best? What a sigh of relief. OMG what does that mean? Well, so the neurologist that we are scheduled to see will evaluate Jackson to diagnose or rule out Sensory Processing Disorder and he will also be doing Jackson's Autism and ADHD testing to diagnose or rule those things out as well. He specializes in pediatric ADHD and all forms of Autism. (We do have a psych eval for Autism with EDFTC but not until at least February due to their physician being out on maternity leave) But Lisa's magic has fast forwarded us to another doctor for January 10, 2013. 

That's 28 days from now. Days that will go by fast, but seem like eternity. I called John to tell him and I was so overcome with emotions. I wanted to smile, cry, jump up and down, not to mention I feeling drained all at the same time. (that's a one woman circus of emotion huh? lol)  After years of wondering and searching, we are finally getting "our turn". Suddenly, my world stopped turning for just a moment. Nothing mattered at that moment except knowing my itty bitty monkey is going to get his turn. 

I could HUG and KISS you Lisa! Thank you will never express my gratitude to you. As we approach Christmas, the season of hope and my mind goes a mile a second...

Some days are a rock, some are a stone. For now, I won't look forward, nor behind us.

I am looking for hope and I have fear. What's on the other side of January 10th I do not know.

I cannot predict and don't want to think, I just want to give one final sigh of relief. 

I want to succeed as a Mom for my child, this world is beyond wild. 

And I am not scared of what's to come, though the path is not clear.

So for now, the blank has been filled and my time is served best... right now, right here.

Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. -Luke 2:10

~EM

Miss Mishnastics

Mishnastics: plural of mish-nas-tics (noun)- my pint sizes diva's vocal version of gymnastics.

Ever since the summer Olympics, Miss Rhea, aka Hallie has been asking to take "mishnastics" and NOT ballet! Direct quote: "Momma, I don't wanna do ballet" What! I have 20+ years of dance experience under my belt, with many many years of ballet and my dream was to always have a little girl and for her to love ballet just as much as me! Noooooooo!!! (Ok, not my life, not my choice, fine.) I threw myself a teeny tiny pity party from those words, but honestly it's ok. I just want my children to be involved in something that makes them really happy and something that makes them proud. Something they want to put their whole heart into and love it, like I love dance. Alright, so mishnastics it is! But before we get to that, I just have to post at least a couple of shots from ballet here or I'll kick myself later. At least I have a couple of pictures of a princess ballerina for the books. HA! So I'll go ahead and fulfill my dreams here....

          Cutie pie ready for her first class!                I have the same pic, same pose when I was little.

     

                                                  So happy to help her do her first bun! 

Soooooo NOT interested! (tear)

Now that I'm done living vicariously through my child, we'll move on to what SHE likes! (I guess, ok last whiny moment I promise, LOL) 

Watch out Olympics 2024, Hallie's coming for you! We have retired our tutu for a super sparkly purple IRIDESCENT leotard that is SKIN tight! Hallie picked it out herself, imagine that.... so we took a couple of test classes to see where she wanted to take lessons and I let her decide where she wanted to go. Yes, I let my 3 year old decide where she wants to take gymnastics. I wanted her to be comfortable, and yeah it may sound silly letting a 3 year old decide, but I feel like empowering your kids to make their own choices helps them really love what they do. And for me it didn't matter which place we went so I let her pick. So River City it was. She has been taking class for about 3 months now and she LOVES it! She is surprising very serious about it and very focused. She always wants to go to the side where the "big girls" are as she calls them and she loves her coach Miss Elaina! I love going to watch her, and she looks up every now and then to the observation room to make sure Mommy's there clapping after every move, ha! And yes, I am the obnoxious Mom that claps every time she looks at me, oh well! 

So without further adieu, my little gymnast and some of her action shots! 

               

                   

I think I'm in for a long journey of "mishnastics" here, but I'm super excited for my sweet little lady! I couldn't be more proud that she has found something she is so passionate about, even at 3! Although, I will mention, she may be 3, but she thinks she's 16! Whew, gonna have my hands full with this little diva! So proud to call her my little peanut! She says she's going to the Olympics... if that happens I'll definitely be clapping and obnoxious after ever move then too! HA You can look for me on the "funny parent reactions and faces" the  media always broadcasts of Olympic parents watching their kids compete. I'm sure I'll be posting about our "mishnastics" in the future! Can't wait to see where this journey takes us! 

~EM

Results Minus the Results

It's a chilly Tuesday. It's about time it felt a little more like ole man winter around these parts. (that makes me sound slightly country/ borderline heathen doesn't it? ha) Wanna know a secret? It may come as a shock, but I am developing a serious LOVE-HATE for doctors. I mean don't get me wrong, doctors are wonderful people who save lives everyday, but by golly they can't answer a phone to save their LIFE!!! Secret number two.... I have more test results for Jackson. Yep those ones we've been waiting on since ohhhh about 2 months ago. Good thing I've had Halloween, Thanksgiving and a few blog posts in between to keep my mind focused elsewhere.  

I am finding myself extremely frustrated today. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's just "one of those days". And quite frankly, who cares right? Since when is every day peaches and cream for everyone? If you are one of those people who claims to never have a bad day, stop lying to yourself, we all have a bad day. I feel like a little hamster on the wheel. Running and running, but that darn wheel isn't going anywhere. Hamsters have to be the most frustrated little creatures....

In case you are not fully on the spinning hamster wheel of Jackson's testing, I'll quickly recap. So far, we've had speech, hearing and language evaluations (more on that here) and vision testing. The second set of  OT tests includes the DP-3 (more on that here), Fine Motor Assessment and a Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) evaluation. Still to go, Psychological evaluations and testing for Asperger's (which is a form of autism), Autism (all ASD forms), and ADHD. My goal in all of this is to hopefully have some firm answers for my little superhero, by April 2013. Just in case you are wondering how long all this takes, April will make 9 months of actual testing and about a 15+ months total of waiting lists and appointments to get some answers (not to mention our previous years of wondering, but hey, who's counting right? haha). Jackson will be just a few weeks shy of 7 by then. If your are a parent out there and you think you are a similar journey, or should begin down the same path for answers, get your rechargeable batteries, you'll be on the "spinning wheel" for a while, but don't ever give up on your little person! I firmly believe that their future depends on your actions today, so whatever you do, don't let that wheel stop turning for them, no matter how long you have to keep it going.

So on to the meat and potatoes of results. 

Jack's results today are the full Occupational Therapy evaluation to include the Fine Motor Skills Assessment and Sensory Processing Disorder. Are you still with me or did I lose you at chilly Tuesday? Ha. All these tests and details and foreign language medical terms can be a bit overwhelming, trust me I KNOW.

Without going into too many details and because I don't think I need to blast Jackson's every area of concern, I'll just recap the areas of testing and results. As you read these, should you find yourself thinking internally: "what does that listed medical term mean?", well... Google it friends. Here we go...

Motor Skills Testing:

• Musculoskeletal Observations
• Fine Motor Skills
• Visual-Motor / Visual Perception Skills
• Oculomotor Skills: 
• Tracking-results: within normal limits (YAY!!!!)    
• Scanning- results: needs therapy                    
• Convergence- results: impaired 
• Accommodation- results: needs therapy 
• Divergence- results: impaired
• Additional Visual Information
• Self-Help Skills 

Sensory Processing Disorder Testing: 

• Sensation Seeking
• Auditory Processing
• Visual Processing
• Tactile Processing
• Vestibular Processing
• Oral Sensory Processing
• Cognitive Skills

And so for all those areas of testing came these results: Occupational Therapy (OT) should begin in January 2013 for Jackson, with a re-assessment scheduled at the end of the school year to observe for improvements. Jackson should also be involved in social interaction group and/or a sensory processing based play group or camp. 

The the most important line on the whole darn report, MD (medical diagnosis) and here's what it says: 

MD:____________________________________

What? Huh? Nothing? What the.....? Okay, what does blank mean? Is this a bad joke because it's definitely not funny. Does that mean there is no diagnosis, yet he needs to have OT sessions? Does that mean we can rule out Sensory Processing Disorder? Does that mean there will only be a diagnosis after more tests? How can you go through all these tests and things for the most important line to be BLANK!!!! I mean if he doesn't have a diagnosis, fine. But write something on that line to say one way or the other. All those results with no real result!?! Ugh! Maybe my frustration today is starting to make more sense. I have called at least (no joke here...) 20 times to ask about this. 

Of course we will be at therapy this week, so I plan to pin SOMEONE in a corner til' they answer me why that little line was blank, so stay tuned and hopefully I'll be able to fill in the blank! 

I guess I can add this to the "speed bump count" on Jackson's journey. But don't worry, I'll get my answers. In the meantime, the plan is to start OT for Jackson at the beginning of the year and hopefully get scheduled for the psych testing next. 

Since that all important line was blank and I'm rather frustrated today; I'll just fill it in for them... 

MD: Milford Done

~EM

You Can't Have That

Ever heard the words "you can't have that"? It's like finding the perfect pair of heels only to flip them over and see just how many 00000's are behind the $ sign on the tag. Shattered dreams.....

So okay, you recover and your on to the next thing. What about repeatedly being told "you can't have that"? That's a whole other story. It's hard enough to process things you can't have (for whatever reason), let alone when you process things a little differently and are told those 4 yucky words. Which leads me to my point. Yes, there is a point here. Ha! I know there are tons of allergies out there with our kids, our own allergies, etc but do you live with one? Do you stare at food labels and read them like a hawk? Well, I do. 

Jackson is allergic to tree nuts. What are those.... well anything like your pine nuts, walnuts, almonds, cashews (especially those little half moon suckers!) and others. But he can have peanuts (for now). Anything that can potentially contain tree nuts, he cannot have. If you have ever been to an allergist you know that little porcupine looking gadget that poke your back with?? Yeah, it has traces of the elements on it when they are testing you for an allergy. Jackson blew up like a balloon before the nurse could even get finished and get out of the room. Cue the epi pen epidemic!!! We have SIX of those suckers! One at school, one at home, one in my purse (always), two back ups, and one that travels in an overnight bathroom bag in case he spends the night anywhere without me and John. 

We figured out this lovely "allergy" a couple of years ago, thankfully at a graduation party for our friend Patrick who just so happened to be graduating as a NURSE! So lots of medical people were on hand at the time we tasted the lovely cashew that caused Jackson to blow up like a balloon. He didn't even look like himself he was so swollen. Long story short here....luckily, with the medical folks there, a police officer and a whole heck of a lot of benadryl, we had him under control pretty quickly actually. (Mr. Cop was trying to pull me over for speeding down Poplar in Germantown, until I rolled down the window and he saw Jackson's face and became our escort instead, hehhehehe I won that one Mr. Po-Po!). But seriously, whew! 

Looking back on that night, it was really scary to see him so swollen! But now we check everything. I had no idea how many foods are made with tree nuts or manufactured in places that touch tree nuts. RIDICULOUS. Especially the good stuff like cookies, muffins, cakes, etc. So last night we were ready to make some cookies from our cookie dough I ordered as part of a school fundraiser. Then I read the label. Yep, you guessed it.... so I delivered the news to Jackson that we can't make those cookies because they have tree nuts in them. Commence breakdown. Hurry Mom, plan B, you need a plan B. Ok, other cookies. No other cookies in the house (of course not, that would be way to easy). So with my crying little man, I offered for us to make muffins. Which I'll insert here, DARN you Hostess! They were pretty much the only ones with the mini muffins pre-packaged without tree nuts! So, I got some other muffin mix sans tree nuts so we could make our own. I offered to let Jackson do all the mixing and make his own. Problem starting to divert! We are working with him on his adaptive behavior skills (you can read about that  here). So I thought if he could try to make these on his own he would feel a great sense of accomplishment, have something sweet to eat, and it's even better for you than cookies! I've lost count on my win win's with this one. LOL

To most kids making cupcakes, etc is cool when you are little but as they get older they are just more interested in eating them, than the whole baking/kitchen labor part. But Jackson was so excited to make his muffins last night and I let him do the majority of the work on his own! He only got upset once or twice with the mix "missing" the mini cup on the pan. (he likes things neat, not outside the lines, so muffin mix on top of the pan will not do for him) But I gave him a napkin and showed him how to clean it up and try to move on and not "obsess" over a little spill. He did pretty good with it! He even set the timer on the oven (he's obsessed with the "countdown" of timers) and then put his hand in the oven mit with mine so we could take out the muffins together. I gave him a toothpick to "stab" the muffins so he could get them out of the pan without burning himself and put them on a cooling rack. 

Super excited and so proud of himself he asked to call Grams (aka my mom) and tell her all about them. (He rarely asks to call people on the phone and usually has to be prompted or helped with his phone conversations on how to respond, so the fact that he wanted to call was so awesome!) He was so happy that he had done it. You wanna know what making muffins really means in Jackson language? That means with a lot of practice and help, he has the will to do better. That means he understands what it feels like to succeed. That means my little monkey can improve in everything he does and there is no limit to what he can do. Of course it takes an entire post about allergies, muffins and yelling at Hostess to get me to the "read between the lines" message here, but my point is just because "you can't have that" doesn't mean you can't have something else that's even better that what you wanted to begin with.

Hanging my hat on a HUGE hanger of success for this one. And my little superhero being super proud of himself... I can't do  much better than that. 

~EM

Memphis- Birthplace to Bon Qui Qui? Huh?

I know you are wondering what the heck is this post about??? Well... as I am STILL patiently waiting for more of Jackson's test results, (there's always tomorrow huh)  tonight it's time for a post with a little ehhhh light-heartedness. Soooo here we go.....

Often times with all the stresses going on from day to day, I search for the little things that keep my mind clear, make me giggle like a school girl and maybe contribute to my sanity in some small way. After all, you do burn calories from laughter and I can't remember anyone that just loves to be around a scrooge, right? I'll admit I am a junky for all things funny from movies, to SNL, to completely obnoxious cards I can send for holidays and birthdays. (sorry family hehehe) But my huge weakness you ask? YOU TUBE & HULU. Good grief I could laugh at ridiculous skits and "wanna-be superstars" in terrible video clips all day. It's amazing the things people will post. Some hilarious, some not so hilarious and then there's always that ONE video that has to be somehow related to home.....Memphis. 

Known as the birthplace of Rock and Roll, Memphis has produced it's share of mega superstars like Elvis and Justin Timberlake along with our great city name  being "name-dropped" in  more songs that any other city in the world! (bet ya didn't know that tid bit did ya... if you did, humor me and act like I taught you something today ok?) But of all the great history and musical artifacts Memphis has to offer, we also have a small reputation of being labeled as ghetto? At least from outside this great city. And is word ghetto even cool anymore? Well, you get the point. Now don't get me wrong, I've had my share of uh um how do you say it...interesting experiences (yes that's a nice way to put it) for the last 10+ years I have lived here. Which leads me to this chick....meet Anjelah Johnson aka Bon Qui Qui. Funny, somewhat ghetto and guaranteed to make me laugh every time I see one of her comedy skits. What I didn't know is how Bon Qui Qui came to be... until yesterday! The short clip below recaps her experience of being at, yup you guessed it, a MEMPHIS Burger King drive through. 

Between that "drive through gal" and her brother (I'm guessing he's a hoot) Bon Qui Qui was brought to life. HA! What!?! Who even knew Bon Qui Qui stemmed from something and someone that was actually real in little ole Memphis, TN.

For your viewing pleasure and maybe a few chuckles, I hope Bon Qui Qui makes you laugh and appreciate all the "characters" you encounter. Funny things like this remind me to never take myself too seriously and give thanks to all those that contribute to my well being from a good daily dose of laughter! Providing Memphis history and a cheap laughs, hmm not too bad for a Wednesday! 

So funny and maybe a little ghetto-fabulous! LOL

~EM

Going Out With A Bang!

Yay for Saturday! Ummmm, why is the weekend going so fast? I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and time well spent with family, too much food and maybe a libation...or 10 HA! So recapping Thanksgiving, we drove over to John's cousin's house for the day and spent the day playing whiffle ball (yes, we have enough family to make two full teams and fans to cheer us on), knock-out, bocce, corn hole and eating pretty much all day long. But we had so much fun getting to visit everyone. John's Aunt Terry was campaigning for cash to go buy scratch off lottery tickets, which I thought was hilarious and "worth the mention". Ten years from now, this will be funny as hell to look back and remember her walking to the gas station with about $50 of donations, a couple of kids under the age of 5 and a handful of lotto tickets. Have I mentioned I love this family! Never a dull moment and I would NOT change a thing! I'll tell you, I had planned with the best of  intentions on taking all these great photos on Thanksgiving and posting them for the family and ask me how far I got with that???? Absolutely nowhere would be the answer. So FAIL... just put it on my tab. As a matter of fact, these were the only pictures of my own kids I got! What kind of Mother am I? Thankfully... John's Godmother to the rescue! Ginger took lots of photos and is going to send them to me soon! Whoo! 

                                                    

So obviously as you can see above, Thanksgiving was winding down and we were on to the next thing. I feel like we have been running the 100 meter olympic hurdles all weekend! Friday was spent doing very LITTLE black Friday shopping mainly because I am an online junky shopper. Seriously! I need an online shoppers support group ha! But I'll argue my case for a second and say, when you have two kids that have minimal attention spans for comparing "this to that" for Christmas shopping, they don't last very long! I know all you parents can feel my pain here! And on the flip side I can shop online ALL day long and they can play at home. It's a WIN WIN people!!!

The monkeys had finally started to get over the "funk" we have been fighting all week (praise the LORD), so last night we decided to head to the zoo to see Santa and the Zoo Lights (kinda becoming a cousin tradition) Even though we were missing a couple of cousins due to, ehhh sickness is a good way to put it. 

Disclaimer*** Secretly we take the kids to the zoo lights to see Santa because we all get a great LAUGH out of the terrible face that someone always produces from seeing the big guy in the red suit. It's like a cheap thrill for the adults HAHAHA! And boy this year was no different. Miss Ella delivered like a champion! (See terrifying face below as I giggle)

Ha!!!!! I'm so sorry but this picture is hilarious and worth a thousand words. Auntie Ericka loves you Ella!!!! So with the terrifying pic, here's a few more of the fan with "happier" faces. 

Big Christmas tree at the Zoo entrance

Hallie and Ryan, best friends! 

Joe and Kristen

Me and J :)

Jackson and Ella tuckered out!  

Checking out the tree!

Sweet smiles, but double trouble!

Today we are headed to Maryn and Annie's baptism along with a little football later tonight. Go Irish!  Rounding out our weekend, I'll make the extremely fast mention that today is my last day in my 20's! Woah and yikes!!! Good thing I fully loaded the weekend with lots of great family time and love before I celebrate the dirty 30 tomorrow LOL..... Oh well, what is it they say, 30 is the new 18? Ok, yeah I'll go with that. Mentally I feel about 12 most days, so that HAS to count for something right? 

What a blessed and great weekend we are having so far, my cup runneth over!

Going out with a bang... goodbye 20's, hello older and wiser! (HA, yeah right) 

~EM

  

Good Things Come in Small Packages

Happy Thanksgiving eve! My mind has slowly started migrating towards "holiday mode" and man am I ready for the break! Since Jackson didn't get to go to school all week this week, (thank you viral infection) his sweet teacher sent home a small care package of all of his projects for Thanksgiving. We  have an abundance of cutsie art goodies including a pumpkin, a handprint turkey placemat, a headdress and Indian t-shirt,  complete with his Indian name "Cow Jackson" on the back (I have no idea where he came up with that one LOL) and maybe most importantly, his vision screening results from LeBohneur. 

My husband (God love him) is pretty much a blind bat without his "eyes" otherwise known as contacts, so I was expecting the possibility of glasses in our future for Jackson. Much to my surprise however, he is 20/20 in both eyes! Whoooo! I know that sounds so simple and maybe somewhat silly, but since we are racing the Indy 500 of tests these days, these are the first "test" results that we have back that have been different than what I expected and we'll take it! Our OT results are in as well, but I still don't have a copy of those (go figure) so I'll be on the edge of my racing seat until Monday for those results.

As we ski down the slope to being fever free in our house, (YAY!) tomorrow I plan on devoting my entire day to being thankful for relaxation and hugging the necks of family members that we haven't seen in a while. Good food, laughter and love.... that's what I look forward to this Thanksgiving. Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday weekend! I'll be posting.....

I can never have too many kisses from this little man!

Cheers!
~EM

Finding Peace....Giving Thanks

Today I took the monkeys to the doctor to see if we can try and kick the sick. Two hours later and a finger poke or two and we have a nasty, make that two nasty viral infections. Yummy. As they were sleeping today, I was working to with the lovely sound of two little chainsaws buzzing heavy at work. (ha) At least they were sleeping together though. 

Poor pitiful babies....(yes, I took them to the doctor in their pj's don't judge me)

           

 

As far as results go today.... SURPRISE! A whole lot of NOTHING. Wah wah! Don't be too shocked folks, medical test results and their timing are like weather forecasters. Always predicted but hardly accurate. Sooooo until tomorrow for more results I suppose (and hope). I have only called harassed them twice today anyway. I might have to start hitting the *69 or whatever that code is so that my phone number won't show up so they'll actually answer me because I think they have memorized my number. I'm sure they argue over who will have to answer my call "this time". HA! 

As a pretty eventful or ummm uneventful Monday at the Milford house winds down I do have some sad news to share. This afternoon I was catching up with a dear friend, to be told that another wonderful and dear friend that I have known for many years has passed away. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. He went to sleep and simply never woke up. Hard to believe and shocking for sure. I have to say after I got off the phone today, I had to call my Mom for a small breakdown and lots of tears. How lucky are we all to have each and every day we are blessed to have? Pretty lucky and fortunate I think. I only hope my dear friend is resting peacefully above and that his family is finding peace through their all too soon loss of their son and child that was loved by so many.

So in his honor, I give my thanks and offer peace and love to my friend that will be missed dearly. I am happy, grateful and thankful to tend to my sick peanuts and because he always made me laugh and smile.... I'm thankful to obnoxiously cheer from my couch as the Grizzlies hopefully fry the Nuggets in tonight's game. Don't take your days and loved one for granted!

Life is not measure by the number of breaths we take,

But by the moments that take our breath away. 

                                      -Anonymous

Rest in peace my friend. I love you and know you have gone to a far better place. As I cry....

~EM

Hanging. By. A. Thread.

Ahhhh therapy... I could use some therapy of my own right now. Let’sjust say that my morning did not get off to a good start. Chaos was running rampantthrough my house and guess what? It wasn’t the kids causing the chaos today. It’slike nothing was in the normal place, no one can find their shoes (even thoughthey can only be in so many places), dogs are on my nerves for whatever reason…you get the point. You know you just have those days that nothing goes asplanned? You wake up, all is great, then little by little you just hit thedownhill slope to having a “case of the Mondays” on a FRIDAY!  Not to mention I was on the way to dropJackson off for school and then – SPEEDING? I am doing 25mph!!! How is thatspeeding…. Well it is in a school zone. DANGIT! So then that makes Jack latefor school, me late for work and my Friday is really off to a crappy start. Notto mention I now have a mandatory court date right before Christmas. JuuuustGREAT. 

So moving on, we just got home from therapy and I have more of Jackson's test results back! I have to say, honestly...... today I am struggling a little bit, ok a lot. Today is a hard day for me as a Mommy. Getting results is great! Seeing results makes everything very real. So real, that I am not going to post them tonight. I am completely drained. I need some time to let everything sink in. I need some time to unwind. So tomorrow I will post the results from today's session.  Until then, TGIF! 

I am going to curl up with my kids, hold them tight and say GO GRIZZLIES! 

~EM

Lean for Love

I'm starting this post by saying first thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read our story. Thank you for being supportive and thank you for showing the love you have for others. People never cease to amaze me. It's amazing how people can be so giving to those they care about, love and sometimes even complete strangers. And I embrace all of you. I feel like I have always been a very giving and loving person to others in my life and others that I don't know, but it's nice to know that when I need the love, I feel it. The last 24 hours have changed my life. I have received more emails, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, post comments and tweets than I can even count. People sharing their stories with me, sending love and encouragement, sending prayers, tears and most importantly support for Jackson! Not to mention, it's nice to know you aren't alone.  

Yesterday, coincidentally was John's mother's birthday. She would have been 57. And although I know everyday that goes by he misses his mother (maybe more than anything in the world) I know she is with us. I have no idea where my courage came from yesterday to all of a sudden think I am strong enough for all of this, but I'd like to think our Angel Peggy had something to do with that. I never got to meet the woman that my husband called "Mom" but I hear she was one AMAZING lady. What I do know is the kind of children she raised and the things she instilled in them before her she left the Earth for a better place. I hope that I can give that kind of love to my children like she did for her kids and any other children who's lives crossed her path. It has been over 11 years, but her presence is still felt by so many people today, that I can assure you. I firmly believe she watches over us and I think that sometimes she gives me the extra push of strength when I need it the most. I only hope that I would have made her proud. Weird how things in life line up sometimes isn't it? Sure does confirm for me that we are not steering the wheel of life.  

We have more test results that I will be sharing tomorrow after therapy. I know the results already, but I am getting the full "hard copy" report tomorrow and don't want to leave out anything that could be considered "cool medical terms" ha. I am anxious to get that report, just another piece of the puzzle we'll fill in tomorrow.  

My biggest take-a-way for you all today is - I think all this means we are onto something team! Just as my little superhero tends to lean on things (literally) most of the time, I am leaning on you. And I am asking you to lean back. If you are a parent (or anyone) that has ever had a question, wondered or just felt like you are alone on your search for answers... YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am an open book. I will be honest, listen and return the love that you have given to my family and Jackson in such a short amount of time. Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever need anyone. I understand privacy and I understand being scared, but sometimes we all just need to lean for a little love. 

After all, this little guy leans for love all the time. 

Jackson and our sweet friend Ava at the
U of M Homecoming Football Game

Sending you all my love,
~EM

Jackson's Journey...4 Tests-1 Answer

To say that our journey will be a long bumpy road is an understatement. Once I catch everybody up to speed my posts will be shorter, I promise! Til then just hang in there with me! I have my feelings, opinions and guesses as to what I think Jackson is experiencing, but I'm not doctor so I'll keep my thoughts to myself on all the "things" I think we are going to ummm be working on to improve. :) All sugarcoating aside, we have some great days and we have some NOT so great days. I will tell you all, as any other Mom with any child, children teach you a whole new level of patience. Or they prove you have no patience. LOL As we have come to realize Jackson seems to have his own ideas about what "normal" means, I decided that Path 2 (from this post) was the way for us to go. 

Yes I have been scared. Yes I have been researching for a long time. Yes I need answers. Are you kidding, I needed answers yesterday. What is it they say? Good things come to those that wait?.... yeah that's for the birds. I have decided to take the early bird gets the worm approach instead. And by that I mean I have been a harassing, nagging, bugging and maybe even annoying parent to every doctor and person that I think we need on our side in order to get answers. After calling almost every single day for referrals and leaving more messages than I should ever admit to, I started getting called back. Ahhh Ha! Being really  extremely persistent can have it's benefits.  

So rewind to October 8. Our first appointment. Having been screened at school for speech and hearing and being told that Jackson had not passed, that came as no surprise. I was kinda relieved he didn't pass the screening to be really honest. It meant two things. One, everything we have been noticing for years is finally starting to surface with hard evidence. Two, I'm not totally crazy. So with those results, I decided we needed a second opinion and I was going to go armed and dangerous! I asked Jackson's teacher to take notes on things she noticed, habits, mannerisms, etc and being that ANGEL that she is, I had 4 handwritten pages of notes. YES! Ms. Beth you are awesome! I also took 12, yes 12 of the exact same drawing produced by my little artistic rockstar from the Lorax (love that movie). Now, I don't know about you but I can hardly remember what I did yesterday let alone days and days worth of things. But Jackson's drawings were of the same scene from the movie, same colors, same patterns and yes I have 12. One for every month I suppose! Ha. (more on his uhhh "obsessions" later) But we had waited so long to get an appointment, I was taking all the ammo I could get together for this. We went to the EDFTC (Exceptional Development Family Treatment Center) after getting a referral to be seen and we were scheduled for a hearing/speech/language evaluation.  Let me just also preface this with, every child that has any sort of special needs is never like the next child with special needs. One test for one child is not the same test for the next child. So for Jackson a Listening Comprehension Test, Oral Expression Test, Oral Composite Test, Hearing Test and Sounds in Words Test were performed. Ms. Courtney is our speech pathologist and Jackson was immediately connected to her. I have never seen a child be SO excited to see someone (that he just met). So I'll give that a checkmark and success for starters. 

After the testing was over, we left. I felt a sense of relief. A sense of success and even though we wouldn't have any answers just yet, I was happy. Skip to October 19. Test results are in and on a Friday night at 6pm, we headed in for some answers. FINALLY! So I won't go into the somewhat hairy fine line (somewhat foreign language) details, but we'll just talk simple "what does that mean in English" terms for now. 

Scores. So every child should be at a certain communication level for their age right? For Jackson (age 6) his scores came back and on the four tests he ranked: 4% for Listening Comprehension, 1% Oral Expression, 2% for Oral Composite and 11% for Sounds in Words.  (Yes, these tests are out of 100%) Diagnosis- Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder. The good news - He PASSED the hearing test! Whoo! What his disorder means is that for his age, he falls into the categories of needing intervention/has delays/language disorder, thus the diagnosis. So for the next year, we will have speech therapy sessions with Jackson to hopefully improve his communication and speech skills. After a year the goal is to have Jackson be in the 80% range for his age group. How awesome would that be?!?     

Also along with that initial evaluation came the recommendation (and me being slightly persistent) for additional testing. So following that we are on the road to becoming a speech superstar! 

The next steps would be to have Jackson scheduled for a OT (Occupational Therapy) evaluation for Sensory Processing Disorder. One down, lots to go. So our next test was scheduled immediately the same night of our first results. So excited for October 24th I couldn't hardly stand it. 

Eager and ready we'll be reporting on those results soon! Hugs your babies and be thankful that they have so much to offer and teach you everyday. How did I get so lucky to have this kid? 

  

~EM

Bestie Baby Bump

Bump alert!

Another baby is on the way and will be making her debut very soon! One of my best friends McKenleigh is going to be a Mommy and I could not be any happier for her and her sweet hubby Michael. Being a Mommy of two myself, I am loving all my friends adding to the "baby count". So all you besties and close friends out there, keep having kiddos! Ha! I would direct that statement to a certain few, but we'll just leave it as a general statement, shall we??? 

Well, no other way to celebrate another Mommy-to-be than to throw her a shower! We gave Mac a shower a few weeks ago and so I want to share some pics and sweet moments from the day. 

All the hostesses with Mac and baby Parker

Pretty Mac with Parker's bow holder.

Some of the decor, food and invitation

Me and Mac

College roomies, besties and friends forever! (I know sounds cheesy, but it's true!)

Cute outfit and Katie taking it all down!

 Some sweet shower guests

Mac and Kinsey - both beautiful Mommy's-to-be!

Make that three Mommy's-to-be.....Laura, Mac and Kinsey

Two of my sweet best friends McKenleigh and Ashley

So thankful to have all of these lovely ladies in my life and we were all thrilled to celebrate Mac and baby Parker. Can't wait to meet that sweet little girl in just a few short weeks!!! 

Love you Mac!

- EM